Rita the bartender plops a paper coaster in front of me and sets my martini on it. As I take a sip, I notice that a strip of paper has been taped to the coaster: “Please don’t drink alcohol if you’re not an adult.” Looking around the bar, I see that all the coasters have the same message taped to them.

“Did you put these on yourself?” I ask.

“Yes.”

“Why?”

“The government made us.”

“You can’t be serious.”

She gives me a cold, exasperated look. She’s serious.

Well, at least they didn't float a warning in every glass.